As I pass the age of 20, I realized that I’ve only learn what NOT to do. Saying too much makes you look desperate. Don’t share your misery with someone you barely know. Smart people notice what your body language is saying, so you shouldn’t show a lot of body language. But, most of all, know when to avoid the crowds. Last night, I was talking to this guy who was offering me a job. We were talking about the possible help I can get from certain people and somehow it got a bit personal. AUTOMATICALLY, I started becoming extra aware of what I say. Then, I closed the conversation as fast as possible by asking him to go to sleep.
Getting to know someone is not as exciting as it used to be. We all grow up to get those battle scares from being close to someone. Then, we only come to one conclusion which is try your best NOT to do it.
I don’t know when did I learn to walk away from a conversation. I used to be open and talkative. I didn’t believe I should have secrets. But now, I’d rather write something personal on a blog than talk to someone about it. I don’t want to get used to telling someone what I feel or think. I start becoming vulnerable and uncomfortable.
The way I am thinking right now only lead me to one thing; a serious case of individuality. I spend most of my time either alone or with someone who basically knows nothing about me. The less they know, the better.
It’s not like I lake the skill to be popular. I remember a time not very long ago when I was suffering poisonous popularity. I used to have too many friends. I used to talk openly with almost anyone. I didn’t believe that anyone could hurt me.
Then, where is the hope?!
Well, I hope that this is growing up. I hope that this leads me to some sort of wisdom. I feel almost pathetic. And yet, I still feel that I’ll figure this out. I see a beam of light in the struggle. I think I might find something new soon.