I’ve had an interesting journey through my past in around 12 days in Egypt. I have came to know things about people I cared about and I’ve managed to reach to a lot of memories I have left behind. Some of the things I found out were sad and ugly. I realized that one of the people I cared most about was basically a cheat and maybe even a joke. I have realized that some of the most disturbing assumptions I made about a girl was true. I had predicted that a girl which was a friend of a guy who had a girlfriend was trying to make a move on him. And I was right. As much as it hurts me to realize that the truth can be predictably nasty, I still felt some sort of a sense of achievement and peace. I realized that there is more to dark and light than sequence. It is not a fact that when it gets dark, light must come. Light will come when it is needed most and when it is best for it come. If it hurts, hold your breath. It will get better because Allah is the best planner. Your suffering might not make sense to you, but there is always kindness in every ache. I can always be worse and this is the fact we all know. The ugliness is predictable. We all know that the brutality of this world is endless. Within accepting this ugly truth, lies hope for a better tomorrow and for less pain in the next sunrise.
May we all live, not just survive.
I remember a day when I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed because the night before I had the worst heart break in my life. I was almost 19 and I had just broken up with a guy. The relationship lasted much longer than it should have and the guy already had started to build a new nest with a girl even before he left me. My heart felt heavy and my world seemed rather dark. Every step I took that day was almost like carrying around the green hulk on my back and doing stuff. It was the case in many other days that followed. I managed to laugh about it and keep going with hope that one day I will find something better. Time after time, I realized that what makes some people go mad due to pain is the losing hope. Hope is the fuel of our soles. If I don’t hope to find a job why would I look for one? If I didn’t hope to reach a better place in life, why would I study, travel, eat, breath? It is the moments of desperation which makes you realize why a person might commit suicide or cut themselves. I live in the Middle East and it is not a place where people like to hope all that much. It is not like they choose not to hope, but life flat out sucks around here. Finding a job here is almost a luxury. But, anyway, lets find hope in ever possible corner.
I’ll give you the first ray of light I found today. I remember when I was around 12, I lived in Egypt. I would go up to the roof of our house and gaze at the stars. All I could think of is that there is someone out there who is gazing at the same sky from somewhere really far. I would start making up stories in my head about how I’d be when I grow up, where I’d go and what I’d achieve. I still remember the feeling of depression I’d have realizing that most people don’t go anywhere in their lives. But, here I am. I am in London today. I am here for only 10 days, but it’s a start. I’ve produced my first documentary and I still have much more to learn. All you have to do is to sometimes take the risk and follow your heart. I still feel a bit bitter inside from a recent incident, but I am hoping it gets better.
So, to you all out there fighting to hope, I am here for you. I am someone that is struggling with you. Let’s hope for a better place and a better state. It’s the only way I see for life to blossom.