It seems like some sort of a ritual lately for me to hear guys “kindly advising me” to drop the boyish/childish style I have. I am not sure if I am the only one on Earth who keeps hearing this from guys. Even though the same guys would admit that I am almost the only girl in the world that they can be frank and real with. I am also a first option for most girls/guys feeling lonely. So, it really burns me out to always have to go over the same topic with every darn guy I know. Note for you all geniuses: I WON’T BE HAPPY BEING ANYTHING ELSE BUT MYSELF! It doesn’t need Einstein to figure that out. I believe this usually happens whenever I start complaining about being dumped or lonely. Consequently, we all know guys hear you complain, then suddenly they wanna “fix it”. I hear your good intentions, but seriously what would my slim waist do when I am getting dumped or sobbing over my loneliness?… Speaking from experience, it does exactly nothing… Zero! You feel empty and hungry. That’s all you feel while trying to live up to your petite waist.
I always thought that love was a game of chess. You play it well, you win. You throw it all on being natural and emotional, you are screwed. Though the problem with this theory is that you can’t actually let yourself feel the rush and the joy of love. You always have to remain 10 steps away from the heat. Just like you can’t “feel the next move in chess”. You have to calculate. And in the end, you might get the guy or the girl exactly where you want, but you can’t get yourself exactly where you wanna be; knowing that the other person doesn’t really enjoy or like your genuine identity. They just like the image you are projecting for them.
I am not saying please lose your mind and act all crazy. Think about consequences. It takes forever to get yourself back together after a heartbreak.
The problem is that the theory of the love chess game totally falls apart to ashes at one thing; someone genuinely loving who you are.
When that happens you will finally realize that you are loveable. You’ll never again settle for being somebody other than yourself. But what if that one person who sees you as the definition of beauty walks out on you? Don’t tell yourself it was a lie. Just tell yourself it wasn’t a miracle. It’s just a possibility that occurred for the first time. Hold yourself together and wait for the second wave. You are beautiful. You deserve to be loved for who you are.
Though the real crisis is when you realize that what you are looking for is not just someone who perfectly loves you, but someone you can love back perfectly too. That my friend is the real miracle. The usual possibility is one of those two happening, but both… is something that would rarely occur twice in one man’s life. If you lose that, your heart will break in a way that you will never understand. Even worse, you will never be able to settle for a second grade relationship ever again. You become immune in a painful way to the normal charms of men or women around you. Their love to you alone doesn’t count as anything anymore.
For those who know what I am talking about, keep hoping. It could have been worse. Try to make those who have loved you proud. Don’t ever try to hate them, because with that you’ll start hating yourself. Even if you made a mistake or they made a mistake, your only path is finding peace with the bitterness.
It is sad for me to accept this, but if those people who watched a miracle managed to “get over it”, then there is nothing admirable about being human.
Hope sometimes lies in accepting that you as a human is capable of adapting even with pain.
Much worse things in life could have happened. Be grateful. Sometimes walking a strict moral path is the best diet to live happyly with your misfortunes.