I hate the ringback tone. I know that the person who invinted it meant well, but I just hate it. It signifies to me every call that went unanswered. It reminds me of disrespectful men who don’t have the decency to pick up their phone. It reminds me of all those friends which chose to do other things instead of supporting me. It reminds me of calling people whom promised to be here but were late. I hate the hope it gives me that this person will pick up. I wish it didn’t ring…
I am feeling super depressed.
We all go through years and years of search for Mr/Mrs right, but we never think of the most sadistic possibility. What if we find them, but they don’t want to or can’t stay? Where would that leave us?… no where. You will just simply lose the reason you keep moving forward every day. You become a rude/ cruel person, because being nice won’t make any sense to you anymore.
We all have this belive that mr/mrs right will have to stay. If they are the ones, they will always be with us. But haven’t you ever wondered about those men and women who have tried to stay in our lives even though we barely enjoy their company? Is staying really a criteria for being the one?… I don’t think so. There wouldn’t be any miserable people in the world. I think that misery is born when you meet those who generate beautiful feelings within you and then leave. The purest and the darkest misery is born from the purest kind of happiness.
Where is the hope in that? I am not sure. I think watching a dream you held on to for long die is worse than seeing a human sole die.
I guess this time I can only caution you from being too determined to find something now.
Be understanding towards rude people. You never know how their dreams were masscared.
As I pass the age of 20, I realized that I’ve only learn what NOT to do. Saying too much makes you look desperate. Don’t share your misery with someone you barely know. Smart people notice what your body language is saying, so you shouldn’t show a lot of body language. But, most of all, know when to avoid the crowds. Last night, I was talking to this guy who was offering me a job. We were talking about the possible help I can get from certain people and somehow it got a bit personal. AUTOMATICALLY, I started becoming extra aware of what I say. Then, I closed the conversation as fast as possible by asking him to go to sleep.
Getting to know someone is not as exciting as it used to be. We all grow up to get those battle scares from being close to someone. Then, we only come to one conclusion which is try your best NOT to do it.
I don’t know when did I learn to walk away from a conversation. I used to be open and talkative. I didn’t believe I should have secrets. But now, I’d rather write something personal on a blog than talk to someone about it. I don’t want to get used to telling someone what I feel or think. I start becoming vulnerable and uncomfortable.
The way I am thinking right now only lead me to one thing; a serious case of individuality. I spend most of my time either alone or with someone who basically knows nothing about me. The less they know, the better.
It’s not like I lake the skill to be popular. I remember a time not very long ago when I was suffering poisonous popularity. I used to have too many friends. I used to talk openly with almost anyone. I didn’t believe that anyone could hurt me.
Then, where is the hope?!
Well, I hope that this is growing up. I hope that this leads me to some sort of wisdom. I feel almost pathetic. And yet, I still feel that I’ll figure this out. I see a beam of light in the struggle. I think I might find something new soon.
Mosques in Egypt
Taken by rosario gambera on Flicker
I remember the orchestra of Azan in Cairo. It is the essence of being at home for me. I don’t know how I end up growing feelings for sounds and smells. I am usually not a sentimental person. Thanks Bro for the picture. I miss my home. I dream of a day when I go back home and have its welcoming embrace.
It’s not the bike that is tangled up; it is us who get tangled up in our regrets.
In the Europe and the West in general, you find men and women in a very old age still moving forward. They are still working on their health, money and social life even though they don’t seem to have so many years to live anyway. In the West, old people retire and wait for death by 45. I personally hear my mother already say the horrifying statement of “What is left in my life is less than what I’ve leaved already”. She had already been throwing that at me for the past 10 years, even though she is barely 50! Why is the first day of your life better than the last? We are born weak and we die weak. What is the difference? Live it all. Give every day and every age its importance. It’s beautiful to be old and wise as much as it is beautiful to be young and energetic. Life is hard, but it only gets harder when you give up. Tomorrow is always a new day even if you are 70. Make full use of your time on earth, don’t leave any leftovers.
Today, I was impressed to find in my search through Naomi Wolf’s articles that she had written about women only spaces. In the Middle East, we see women only spaces as a mean of repression. Usually, parents who have low faith in their girls’/boys’ behavior are those who push their sons and daughters into separated gender schools. These schools are usually associated with being boring and depressing. Some people have went to the extreme of saying that it is not a healthy environment for women specially because they grow up to be too shy to deal with the market.
She raised a simple point where the East and West meets. She said that there is a a fine line between healthy separation where women and men can explain themselves among their gender and unhealthy separation that is illogical and leads to the same effect of the masculinity of some societies. The point she is making is that women don’t want to create feminine societies; only a balanced one.
This article gave me hope that we as Arabs are really not that far from normal. Seeing that the West discusses the same issues as we do makes me realize that we are not that far behind. The beam of light I see here is through those who are ready to connect between the two worlds. I am hoping we can benefit and catch up. Lets keep moving forward, we can catch up.